Pranks 'R' Us

I'm a big fan of nuking things. I guess you could say it all started with two little towns called Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Okay, maybe "nuke" isn't the right word. I think the more politically correct term is "spam." But I like saying nuke, so I'm gonna keep using it.

Whenever I have a small army of people under my command, we have a somewhat random tradition of nuking someone's cell phone. You can feel free to steal my idea, here's how it works:

Get 10 or more people to put the same telephone number into their cell phone at the exact same time. This has to be a cell phone number that you're calling, because land lines will automatically reject calls after one ring. In this well-timed event, everyone has to call the chosen number at the exact same time. Only one person will actually get through to the cell phone (like a land line, it can only deal with one number at a time), but luckily, the voicemail feature on a cell phone can handle much more than one number.

Whoever gets through to the person can feel free to carry on a conversation with the individual as long as they like. The damage is already being done with the other ten or so people who are leaving messages in the background. Keep calling, keep leaving messages, and make the messages as lengthy as possible.

Voice mailboxes usually fill up after 25 or so messages, but they usually crap out much quicker than that when they're nuked. I've had experiences where not even all of the people calling could get through before the cell phone provider stopped accepting calls for that particular number. This has also been known to crash the voicemail software, making it impossible for the cell phone owner to listen to the messages, let alone get rid of them or make it so people can even call them again.

Needless to say, the owner of the phone will not be happy, and I'm sure it can't make the cell phone company happy either. And nothing's better than fucking big companies. Don't forget, boys and girls, big companies are the ones that have been fucking you all along.

Best of all, unlike most great pranks this day in age, this one is 100% legal (as far as I know, at least). Once you reach the ripe old age of 18, Johnny Law doesn't take too kindly to death threats, fake 911 calls, or mail fraud, y'know. Those of us who are reluctant to mature, yet are simultaneously fearful of the consequences of indecent exposure, need all the help that we can get when it comes to the law.

Which reminds me, I heard recently that if you get caught by a cop pissing in public, you can be registered as a sex offender. How fucked up is that?

Anyhow. In case you missed it, just a week ago, I requested anyone and everyone to send mail to the following address:

Dr. Jarae Sacman CEO
Sacman Industries
228 Dixie Drive #1303
Tallahassee, FL 32304-7003

I doubt most casual readers took it seriously, but a few of my friends sure did. As a result, Dr. Jarae Sacman's mailbox will soon be swamped with all kinds of shit. It's amazing how many phonebook-sized medical supplies catalogs are available to be shipped for free on the Internet.

The sad part about this prank is that it doesn't take anything like posting on a Web site or any sort of effort in terms of coordination from multiple people. This is a lot easier than the phone nuke.

That's right, the newly dubbed "mail nuke" is easy as sin. Just travel on over to your favorite search engine.

Try any variations of the following words: literature, mail, list, free

There's plenty of stuff to find, I promise. The best part about this is if they're a college student (as Dr. Jarae Sacman certainly is), the mailbox you get at an apartment or dorm is small as shit, and can't even fit a majority of the stuff that gets sent to it. The result is a ridiculously stuffed mailbox that can't even contain the mail that's meant to be sent. In short, an analog alternative to the digital phone nuke.

Amazingly enough, the following literature was sent to the good Dr. Sacman himself yesterday (Monday, the 29th), only six days after it was posted here. And remember that last week was a busy holiday week too.

suck it

Something about seeing the name Dr. Jarae Sacman written out in hand makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Enjoy the mail, Sacman.

Creative Commons License


2003 - 2005
Reverend Hughes