Whoopi's Bush

whoopi does it againThe following conversation took place recently:

God: So Neil, what would you like more than anything else in the whole wide world for your birthday this year?
Me: Wow God, that's a tough one. I don't know.
God: I could strike Dave Coulier down with a bolt of lightning.
Me: No, no...
God: How about I ruin Whoopi Goldberg's life even more?
Me: Yeah, that's the ticket!

My hatred of the Whoopster is nothing new, but imagine my delight when I heard the best job she's had going for her since Sister Act II was unceremoniously taken away from her. Fantastic.

It seems Whoopi, at a star-studded John Kerry fundraiser, said a joke comparing George W. Bush to her own bush-y pubic hair. The joke, which Whoopi must have had written by her excellent team of fifth graders, was especially enjoyed by Senator Kerry, who concluded that night's event by saying that the celebrities in attendance (Whoopi included) "conveyed the heart and soul of America."

Apparently some Slim Fast customers disagreed with what the Whoopster had to say, as the corporation was hit with a barrage of complaints from rednecks looking to shed off the pounds and become "Big Losers" in the way Whoopi promised them they would. In response to the complaints, Slim Fast (whose owner has donated large sums of money to the Democratic Party) fired Whoopi.

lookin good whoopsterWhoopi apparently doesn't realize that as a spokesperson for a company, your job is to make people want to use the product you are promoting. When you offend a large portion of the customer base, a corporation has to do something to protect the integrity of its product and keep its customers. In some cases, if the problem is solely you, the spokesperson, they will can your ass.

Regardless, Whoopi had the following to say about the ordeal:

"I only wish that the Republican re-election committee would spend as much time working on the economy as they seem to be spending to harm my pocketbook."

I only hope that in Whoopi's universe, where the entire Republican party apparently gives a shit what she and she alone has to say, she can also manage to find a new job. And we all feel really fucking bad for your diminished pocketbook.

Best of luck, Whoopi!

Creative Commons License


2003 - 2005
Reverend Hughes