Screw Kurt Cobain

Thank God all the Kurt Cobain shit is finally dying down. In case you live under a rock, last week marked the 10th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's suicide on April 8th, 1994. Apparently this Cobain character was the lead singer in this band that sold a lot of records over a short period of time.

It's amazing how the untimely death of an artist can create such a legacy out of so little. Jimi Hendrix was by no means overly popular before his tragic death. It's a well-known fact that Hendrix's only top 20 single was "All Along the Watchtower." So then Jimi did himself in with an assorted drug cocktail and more people took notice. Sure, Clapton's well-publicized love of Hendrix (and his Jimi-influenced clothing and even hair perm in the days of Cream) had an impact on the Hendrix Experience finally penetrating fully into mainstream culture.

Apply all of this to any other person who died "too young" and you see the formula repeat. Thank God no one gives a shit about the Drowning Pool singer, though.

Of course, none of this is to undermine the talents of Hendrix, or Cobain, for that matter. But since Cobain's death "affected" Gen X so dearly, the big question that everyone's asked is "What if?"

What if Kurt Cobain hadn't died? Imagine! Imagine the lost potential! Imagine what could have been! Drown yourself in the sorrows of Kurt Cobain's untimely death.

Fuck that. If Cobain's drugged-out grunge colleagues from the same time period are any indictation, not much more would have come out of Kurt Cobain.

The biggest problem with Kurt living: he would have lived to hear the first Hole album, appropriately titled "Live Through This." Listening to the album is far worse than the most fucked up heroin-induced drug trip Kurt ever experienced, and would more than likely have been enough to make him turn sober.

As with every other artist, including the aforementioned Clapton, everyone knows the quality of music being written by an artist is directly related to the amount of drugs being consumed on an hourly basis. When these artists survive their drug era and try to go clean, the music turns to shit.

Back to reality. Kurt's dead, but people still love him, so that means someone can make lots of money off this unfortunate incident. So with no new material, they rape and pillage what's left, taking recorded songs that were scrapped and turning them into major profit. The American way!

I can't wait for the inevitable "We Are the World"-style benefit song featuring previously unreleased, but now mixed-together recordings from Kurt, Tupac, Notorious B.I.G., Elvis, Jimi, Janis Joplin, Chris Farley and JFK all mixed into one. I'd love to see a Richter scale measurement of the grave spinning that would cause.

So thanks, Kurt, for saving us from an entire lifetime of shitty music from whenever you would have bothered sobering up.

Oh yeah, and thanks for signifying the end of glam rock, when men dressed like women, and instead making rock stars look like my plumber.

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Reverend Hughes