Hockey is not for pussies. Go home if you can't play.

Alright, admittedly this one happened over a week ago, but I'm ranting about it now because conveniently the Lightning are playing the Montreal Canadiens in round 2 of the Stanley Cup playoffs. I watch hockey religiously, particularly playoff hockey, and the events which I saw unfold in the otherwise fantastic seven game Montreal/Boston series are described in one word: EMBARRASSING.

For those of you who are not filled in, things started with this guy right here:


His name is Mike Ribeiro. He's a winger for the Montreal Canadiens, arguably the most storied franchise in the history of the NHL. Unfortunately that picture above doesn't show off his current pansy-ass wispy French-Canadian playoff beard that he's sporting, so I've provided you kind folks with the following artists' depiction of what my good buddy Ribeiro looks like at the moment.


Now please don't think that I'm only saying this solely because I'm a Lightning fan. I vented on this topic before this playoff series even started, not to mention the fact that many Canadian commentators who also know their hockey had quite a bit to say about the subject.

prickRibeiro in game 3 of the round 1 playoff series fell down at center ice following a hit, writhing in pain. His theatrics managed to get a Boston goal disallowed. Moments later, Ribeiro got up under his own power and skated to the bench and laughed it up as his team won the game. Following criticism after the game, Ribeiro blamed it on a pinched nerve.

With the huge uproar that followed, you'd think that players on the Canadiens would have learned their lesson. Right?


Apparently not if you're this man:


In game 4 in double overtime, in what will undoubtedly go down as one of the most ridiculous moments in the history of sports, seasoned veteran and Montreal winger Alexei Kovalev tried to "sell" a light slash that was made on his wrist by a Boston player who was attempting to get the puck. Kovalev dropped the puck and collided with one of his own players, and the puck was picked up by a Boston player and brought in for a breakaway goal which ended the game.

Now seriously. If you're playing in the NHL playoffs and you're down 2-1 in the series in a double overtime game, you DO NOT DROP THE PUCK IN YOUR OWN ZONE. I don't care if your Goddamn balls are on fire, you get that puck to another player before you ice them down. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET PAID MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO DO. Alexei Kovalev is an asshole and he's an embarrassment to the NHL and the entire sport, plain and simple.

The fact that two players for the same team committed two similar acts in consecutive games also suggests something about the character expected of the Canadiens team by the coaching staff. If it takes a faked injury that results in a lost game to make you realize that you fucked up, you don't deserve to be playing in the NHL. You're just an asshole.

Montreal managed to get their act together and came back from a 3-1 series deficit to defeat the Boston Bruins in 7 games and they're currently up against the Lightning in round 2, a series which the Lightning lead 1-0 at the moment. I won't generalize the whole team here, but I will say that I hope the most rewarding part of this series will be if and when Alexei Kovalev and Mike Ribeiro's pansy asses get sent home to ice down their "injuries."

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