Windows XP is a Fucking Piece of SHIT

Warning: What follows is a poorly written rant which found life in a moment of anger and will be offensive to anyone.

Also, if you don't understand computers, don't bother reading. It won't make a lick of sense.

Ever since Windows 95, Microsoft has done ALL IT CAN to take over more and more of my computer. Now, I'm not saying 3.1 was the golden age, but at least Microsoft placed some faith in me, the user, to run my own GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING COMPUTER.

Somewhere along the road Bill Gates decided that he should lock everything to assure that Windows eats all of my RAM and has as many hardware conflicts as possible.


I remember creating boot discs to start my computer in DOS and play games with maximum CPU power. Now that was great. Windows wasn't there with its fist up the ass of my computer.

So anyhow, my computer recently decided to have a hardware conflict which, in summary, caused my computer screen to look like someone had sprayed diarrhea all over it. Yummy.

If my computer looked like fucking dogshit from the startup before even loading XP, you'd think it was a hardware problem, right? But since XP decides to rewrite everything in your computer's startup along with taking over the entire hard drive, somehow an XP conflict was making my computer screwed up FROM THE START.

Here's an idea for the 'highly anticipated' Service Pack 2: Instead of coming up with another fancy way of showing me my top 23 most used programs, FIX ALL OF THE GOD DAMN SECURITY FLAWS.

Seriously. Microsoft is touting the new Internet Explorer because it kills pop-ups. WHOOPDEEFUCKINGDOO. The Google Toolbar already accomplishes that job quite nicely and also happens to be useful at the same time. Huh. Practicality. Ain't that somethin'.

Maybe you should make Windows take less than 50% of my RAM regardless of how much I have. I'd seriously buy a Mac if it played games more recent than three years old... And also if they didn't require you to sign that paperwork declaring yourself as a homosexual.

So, as a result, I'd like to create a formal laundry list, if you will, to Microsoft to help them realize something about power users that are FORCED to use their product:

Dear Microsoft,
       On behalf of competent computer users everywhere, I just wanted to let you know that I'm intelligent enough to download my own "critical updates" without you using my Internet bandwidth in order to check for new updates every two milliseconds. Your QoS packet scheduler is causing lag in my game of CounterStrike.
       I also know how to edit the registry without destroying my computer. As a matter of fact, I edit my registry to remove the stupid shit that you insist on forcing onto my computer.
       Please, don't automatically hide icons in my task tray, especially shit you snuck in there. I don't use MSN Messenger, nor will I ever, and you making it a default part of the Windows Startup will not coerce me into trying your product.
       Please, don't use 10% of my hard drive to back things up without my consent. Don't save file data for "fast searching." Don't compress rarely used files. Don't automatically install hardware if it doesn't work right. Your helpful accessories are not very helpful.
       Office XP is not worth more than $50 and will always be pirated by everyone and their mother until you realize that.
       Finally, yes, these drivers I'm installing are fine. I promise. I swear. Yes, I realize that you don't recognize where these drivers came from. No, these drivers don't need to be "digitally signed" by you assholes. As a matter of fact, your drivers never work right. They fucking suck. Fuck you.

Assholes.