"Reality" Commercials: Reality TV's Bastard Child

So yeah, reality TV is cheap to produce and turns in all kinds of viewers, it's the new hot thing, and just when you think it's going to go away, it rears its ugly head in another form. Why won't it die?

Even I'll admit to the reality TV craze - I enjoy the Joe Schmo Show, even if it is a reality TV parody, it's a form of reality TV.

So, I suppose its in a lame attempt to capitalize on the success of reality TV, "reality commercials" have been on the rise.

The "real" reality commercials are nothing new, those are the ones that are usually in an infomercial and they take their product on the street and get the reactions of people when they taste their new juicer or whatever. Sometimes you get those lame movie commercials where people are coming out of the theater saying things like "It was so funny I defacated on the screen!"

The new reality commercials, however, act like they're real - but they're not.

You've seen them. John Stamos doing 10-10-987. It seems impromptu because he stutters, mumbles, and the camera shakes. They even have him talking to "regular" people about the product, or doing a "surprise" call to his mom.

Hey mom! Surprise! Thanks for giving birth to me, now I'm going to sell you out on TV so that my wife doesn't dump me for someone who actually has a career and didn't work under Bob Saget!

They're telling you the average joe should use this product, because its beneficial to them. John Stamos sold his mom on it, so you should try it too. YOU ARE THE AVERAGE JOE! CONSUME!

How about Hardees? Their new campaign is based on the fact that they used to suck. "I went to Hardees once and the food tasted like shit. But I went back again and its not as horrible. Try Hardees."

What the fuck kind of campaign is that? Our food is shit, try us? They film some redneck in black and white sitting in a dark studio and they have the camera move all over, making it "edgy" and I'm supposed to think that he's not an actor?

I saw a Visa commercial where this woman was running some sort of shitty clothing store and it was talking about her business that she runs out of California. In the corner were the words "Actor Portrayal." You know why?

Because reality is too fucking ugly to be on TV.

The real woman who runs the store shown in the commercial is probably the hideous creation of a gorilla and a yak that somehow got drunk and screwed each other. You definitely wouldn't want to use Visa's business card if a freak of nature was promoting it by talking out of a hole on its face where its mouth should be.

How about Jared? Probably the only reality commercial I'll buy, simply because Jared couldn't act worth a shit when Subway's ad campaign started. Did he really lose weight eating Subway? Probably not, but hell, who cares?

Subway put Jared through acting school to make the commercials more watchable, but it really didn't do much. Even though his awkwardness still oozes out of television sets across the world when his commercial airs, right now he's sitting somewhere in a huge pile of money eating Quizno's and paying some ridiculously hot chick to wipe his ass.

And that, my friends, is America.

Creative Commons License


2003 - 2005
Reverend Hughes