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1.18.2005

New Year's Wrestlefest: Match 3 

And I know you've all been clamoring for the next matchup, especially you random Ebay visitors making your trek over here thanks to Brandon and Will's "tattoo your company logo on my forehead" auction. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, just head over here and it will all make sense. Please note that I am not the seller in that Ebay auction.

match 3


Next up, we have an epic battle between Bobby Teenager, a devout fan of the band Saliva, and my alter-ego, Beerboxhead. Since I have no wrestling skills and wasn't going to make any attempt to try to fool anyone into thinking I did, we went the hardcore route with this matchup. Things, as you will see, get very messy.

lockup


It's really hard to move around very well with beer boxes all over you. It's even harder to keep your ass crack in your pants when you're too fat to fit into them. But that's what the dreaded deadly bubble wrap is for.

smack


Metal cookie tins also seem to work surprisingly well, especially when filled with cookies to provide weight for the impact.

bloody


Staples to the skull, however, will not result in a pleasurable experience. Kids, don't try this at home.

tcoop


T.Coop celebrates after leaving me a bloody mess. He wrestled for four years in high school, and was the captain of the wrestling team. Luckily I'm fat, so at least he couldn't pick me up and throw me around, especially when I have 40 pounds on him.

dawn


What happens when you have ketchup and shaving cream all over you? Ya gotta clean that shit up. Naturally, I poured some soap into T.Coop's wounds and down his throat while he was down. Seeing my opportunity, I grabbed a hold of the giant cardboard tube and sought to take out my arch nemesis Bobby Teenager once and for all.

windex


But taken from my very own briefcase was a bottle of Windex, which Bobby kindly sprayed me in the face with. That shit ain't fun in your eyes.

So how does it end?

victor


Well, you'll have to download the match to get the whole story for yourself. And luckily for you, I've been nice enough to put up match 3 for all you miserable souls to watch. Check it out, suckas!

Gone!


Again, I'll leave it up for a few days, but will have to take it down due to UF space and bandwidth restrictions. In a few days, it's match 4 - Hiroshima-Nagasaki vs. The Great Bukkake. Stay tuned!

1.14.2005

New Year's Wrestlefest: Match 2 

Hope you all enjoyed the first matchup. Unfortunately, it had to be taken down, as UF limits me to only 20 megs of Web space. If you didn't get a chance to download it, drop me a line and I'll burn you a copy of the DVD.

Onto match number two, Mitch (Goldfarb) vs. Spikes (Dr. Qube):

match2


This was a long matchup with some pretty big bumps taken by both Dr. Qube and Rudy Goldfarb. All of the pounding of this match left Goldfarb stiff for days afterward.

lockup


Goldfarb becomes the victim of some of Dr. Qube's more interesting submission holds. Usually not known for fighting, Goldfarb came out of the closet for this matchup, delivering the whole kielbasa for one night only.

lockup


Many thought the pain would be too much for Goldfarb, but it was obvious that he had greased up and done some stretching before the match, which explains his uncanny ability to take it all in. Goldfarb had certainly done his homework.

lockup


Hours later, it was time for the grand finale, the money shot, the motherlode, the climax, the pinnacle, the zenith, the culmination, the...

lockup


Well, you get the point.

That might be my take, but, as you'll hear, Troy (AKA "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes) bills it as the Jew who killed Jesus Christ, Goldfarb, vs. Dr. Qube, a Catholic. View the matchup how you will, it's fucking Howdie Doodie vs. a damn doctor wearing a ski mask for Christ's sake.

Got your interest yet? Didn't think so. But it's a good matchup with plenty of big bumps and submission holds. This one clocks in at close to 14 minutes and is still under 12 megs, so the quality is a bit lower, but it's still worth you wasting UF's valuable bandwidth. So leech away, suckers!

GONE!


As a special bonus, keep your ears open for a special phonecall received from the one and only Sacman during the matchup.

And stay tuned for match 3, with Sir Tony Cooper as Bobby Teenager, creator of the Saliva Fanclub, vs. yours truly, as my alter-ego, known only as "Beerboxhead."

1.10.2005

New Year's Wrestlefest: Match 1

Well folks, this one's been long overdue, that's for sure. I planned on having this up days ago, but my computer decided die out on me a few times in the past week, which threw a wrench into the plans. But luckily for you, two hours of Jack Bauer kicking ass in the 24 season premier put me in a good enough mood to put this together for you.

But first, an explanation is in order.

This is one of those things where you have a non-sober conversation with your friends where you decide that something would be a really cool idea. Then you wake up the next day and say "Eh, we'll never do that."

In fact, we never thought we'd have done this until we actually started to build it. To say that this wrestling ring came together in the 11th hour would be a great understatement.

Some searching on the Internet months ago, when the planning was in its infancy, found the cheapest route possible to creating a ring: tires with plywood on top of them.

tiresA stop at the local Tire Kingdom found that they were more than happy to get rid of old, bald tires. It turns out those joints have to pay money to dispose of the damn things. So nine tires piled in the back of my truck for a trip up to Gainesville. Stuck in traffic for a few hours on I-75, more than a few onlookers were baffled by our cargo as we crept along the interstate. Fortunately, there's enough rednecks that travel the roads that we weren't too out of place.

With the transporting of the tires out of the way, it was time for a quick stop to the local Home Depot to get parts. Totaling in at around $85, the whole expense wasn't too bad when you divide it up amongst 15 or so people. That's right, for a low cost, you too can have your own 8ft by 8ft ring. There's not much room to work with, but that's where the beer comes in.

So anyhow, the supplies were in, and it was time to get to work.

john working


Well, time for John to get to work, at least. I was the brains behind the operation, with most of the planning and such, and John, who has a knack for all things pertaining to, oh, I dunno, manual labor was the "muscle" of the team (I'll use that term lightly). Manual labor and I do not get along. But I did my part to help out.

ring


Much to the surprise of everyone (myself included), things were coming together quite nicely. In our tiny ass backyard, we actually had something together that didn't fall apart when you touched it. Not yet, at least.

will


Will, an ex-Home Depot employee (among other things), supervised the operation by assembling his wrestling helmet and smoking multiple packs of cigarettes. Thanks, Will.

final ring


And we had ourselves a ring. Now to test out the weight limits...

keg


liquorWith plenty of people and booze. You can't expect anyone to participate in horrible wrestling without being under the influence of something. That's how the Sandman made his career, ya know. Think of it as a homage to how the idea spawned in the first place. An idea that should have never been followed through with.

We had about 20 people standing on the ring along with the keg with no problems, but Brian attempted to take a picture of it from upstairs in his room and was too drunk to operate a camera or walk properly. The result was a bunch of pictures of Brian's face instead of the ring. How? I don't know. So, you'll have to take my word for it.

But hey, it's New Year's, and we built a damn wrestling ring, so let's 'rassle!

match1


Our first match started out as a simple family tag-team matchup. John and his brother Fraser taking on Brian and his brother Greg. As planning for the event furthered, gimmicks were created, so the simple brotherly tag team was not enough. The result, as you see, is an interesting one. We have John and Fray as Ben and Dover, the homoerotic "Team Bendover." And their opponents, Greg and Brian, as the emo-loving tag team of Angst and Anguish, creating "Broken Heart of Tears and Darkness."

I'd give you photos to describe the match, but unfortunately the only one that was taken was of "Dover," who's bio reads that he is the "official nut wrencher of BruceĀ’'s Auto Body Repair Shop in Sandwich, England, where he oils axles and lubricates grease pockets." Yeah. So, here he is:

fray


But hey, who the hell wants to read what I have to say? I'm such a nice guy that I ripped and encoded the video just for you to watch and enjoy. So enjoy it, already!

Down, sorry. Email me if you want the DVD


The video is in WMV format and weighs in at about 12 megs. I won't be able to host it forever, as I am maxing out my UF webspace limits at the moment, so make sure to save it to your computer.

Match 2, Rudy Goldfarb vs. Dr. Qube, will be up in a few days, along with photos to accompany it.

1.05.2005

"The Hughes Family Circus," Part 2

flickFurther proving that there is no end to the fun, my brother Patrick posted his second batch of family Christmas pictures for your pleasure. Included in the pics are kung fu dad, a wooden manatee and plenty more tighty-whitey shots, which is assuredly enough to hold you all over, at least until the next holiday or family gathering.

Speaking of gatherings, I'll have the New Year's stuff up in a few days. For those of you who can wait no longer and were itching for something, here you go:

think cirque de soleil


The rest will be up soon enough. Enjoy.

1.03.2005

"Sierra Mist Challenge"

WARNING: EXTREMELY DISTURBING PHOTOS TO FOLLOW

studsI was going to post all about this one on my own, but it seems that Dr. Jarae Sacman took it upon himself to comment on the event by creating his own blog, which you all should give him the pleasure of visiting.

In case you forgot, a year ago, the Sacman and Fray got themselves into a bit of a heated rivalry. The dispute was regarding which of them would do the dumbest things for the least amount of money. After a bit of back and forth, things hit the roof when the Sacman dressed in women's underwear and let me push him into a sick ass lake for less than five dollars in change. Luckily for most of us, things have been calm since that eventful day. Calm, that is, until a bit of shit-talking led to an evening that became known as the "Sierra Mist Challenge."

Things began when the Sacman (shown in the above photo in the green onesie) said he could drink a twelve-pack of Sierra Mist faster than Fraser (in the red onesie) could drink a twelve-pack of Natural Light. A challenge and two-dollar bet ensued and the rules were as follows (ripped from the Sacman's site):

1. There were four hours allotted for this competition of strength and perseverance (9 PM - 1 AM).

2. First person to finish the 12-pack was declared the temporary winner.

3. If you puke, you lose.

4. On top of finishing the 12-pack first, the person who drank the most, wins at life.

While number four is debatable, Fraser did finish his twelve pack in an hour and 45 minutes, only to end up as you see here:

eww


Things did not fare much better for the Sacman, whose squeamishness got the best of him as he attempted to assist Fraser in his vomiting in order to collect his two dollars.

sacman vomit


That's right, Fraser, despite his valiant efforts, popped before 1am, thus leaving the Sacman two dollars richer. As you can expect, both gentlemen were in a world of hurt few mortals have had the displeasure of experiencing. But it's okay, because it was all in the name of friendly competition.

Perhaps the best comment of the night was said before any of the mayhem ensued. Staring at his son and Jarae holding their respective beverages of choice and dressed in onesies, Mr. Wright said to both of them, deadpan, "I hope you both know that you are idiots."

Truer words were never spoken.

For more pictures of the night's events, plus a couple of shots of me wearing a turban, click on over to the Sacman's site of hosted pictures. Enjoy.

And stay tuned, because later this week, I'll have plenty of pictures of the New Year's Eve Wrestlefest (and maybe some video to accompany it).

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2003 - 2005
Reverend Hughes